So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
