That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
