I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
