Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
