I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
