Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
