if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize