you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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