If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
