what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
