we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
