im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
