Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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