the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
