He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
