we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm like, not good at living.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
