My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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