Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
