you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize