i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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