well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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