i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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