carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
