I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
