here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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