the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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