my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
