Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
