Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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