Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
