there's paper in my vomit.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
