would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
