I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
