Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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