Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
