The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
