then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
