i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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