fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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