my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this just has baby written all over it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Help me help you realize you are a moron
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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