you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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