he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
