On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
