I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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