i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
