I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
