So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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