Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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