she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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