Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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