this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
