Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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