No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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