I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
