Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
