Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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