I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
