I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
