Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
