im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize