Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
