Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
