so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
