I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
