the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
