Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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