It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
