so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
