At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
