is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
