how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
