Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
