I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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