Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
