you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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