You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
