dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
