How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
