I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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