In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
