You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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