EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
