I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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