Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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