So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize