We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
