totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
