Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
