It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
