This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize