Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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