isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
