...so i touched it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
