If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
