Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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