i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
