butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
