Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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