The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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