the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
