Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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