i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
