Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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