Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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