my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
