I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We got so high we made milksteak
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
