my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
