Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize