I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
